Finn The Prince
by Iron59
Summary: "So why did you come here today, Finn?" "Well, PB, I know it sounds kinda weird, but I really need you to help me out with something, because recently Jake and I have been having...uh...problems in the grasslands...uh...about population...and we kinda came up with this solution..." "And what solution is that?" "I want to have my own kingdom." "What"


Once upon a time was a young boy sleeping snugly, within the comforts of his onesie and his sleeping bag, through the silence of the grasslands and through the absurdly loud snores of his brother, Jake. And just as anyone who sleeps does, Finn was rolling around the bed even through his sleep - even as he dreamt he seeked more comfort in yet another position just as he had been doing all night. Eventually, he found the new sleeping position he was looking for to assuage his discomfort: face down, with his body rigidly straight. Planking in his own bed, he snored into the sheets as the dreams went on undisturbed.

But what he did not notice - seeing that he was obviously asleep - was a certain wriggling-around in his hand. Ever since he regained his cut-off right arm with the help of a lusting queen bee who had the hots for Finn's...flower, there remained in the middle of his palm a single tiny blade of grass. Actual grass attached onto human skin. But like a grass being stepped on, that single blade wasn't that much of a hindrance to Finn's right-arm related activities, as it would always just sway or bend as grass does. It continued to wriggle around, independent of any force being applied to it.  
And so within Finn's sleeping bag that single blade of grass, little by little, started to move on its own.

It was only when morning arrived that Finn realized what was going on.  
Yet it wasn't only that which he discovered. When the morning came, he awakened to a sight infinitely more disturbing than what his right hand was doing at night.

Finn awoke, still face-down and still in his unusual planking position. He did not notice the massive hole at the back of his sleeping bag exposing his lower back, butt, and right hand.  
And it only took him 5 seconds to notice something else that was more dire than that.

"HI DAD!" three childlike voices shouted at the top of their lungs. In an instant, Finn's eyes went from sleepy-looking to incredibly alarmed and disturbed. He attempted to turn around, only to do it in the wrong direction and end up falling off his bed, hitting his head on the wooden floor first in the process. In panic, he started frantically screaming and started to squirm around in his half-torn sleeping bed, desperately trying to get it off and be able to actually respond to whatever situation was going on.

"Uh...Dad, are you okay?" the three voices asked with perplexed faces. Immediately Finn stopped and actually paused to make sense of what was going on.  
In front of Finn were three humanoid-looking children.

The first was the tallest among them, a rather scrawny boy with hair absolutely riddled with bangs, and nearly as tall as Finn. He had this deeply confused and curious look in his eyes about how he came to existence within the bedroom of this panicking person with golden grass only on his head.

The second was the shortest among them; he was a fat little boy a third the size of Finn; he honestly looked like a cabbage, and he looked like he was ready to eat Finn and mess things up out of sheer hunger. But all he was doing was staring back at Finn with immense curiosity, finally witnessing who apparently created him (inadvertently) wide awake and looking back at his very own eyes.

And the third and last was a girl, with incredibly long overflowing hair and a look of sudden worry and confusion. Why are we here? Who is this easily-spooked person that they apparently came from? Why is there a blade of grass attached and seemingly growing on his hand?

But there was one thing that confused and bewildered Finn the most:  
They were made of grass.

Finn screamed once more in his trademark overly high-pitched and girly scream, which caused the three kids to scream back in sudden surprise, and caused Jake to scream wide awake bewildered by the scene that was going on within their bedroom.  
"Finn! What the actual flob!? What's going o- whaaaaaat!?"

Jake, jerking himself upright, took a good look at the three little strangers staring right back at him with their own immense confusion about what was going on.

"Who the heck are you guys?" Jake pointed a finger at them, with a puzzled look on his face.  
"Uh...actually...we don't know." the tall boy first answered.  
"We just came from Finn's hand." the girl added.

That did absolutely nothing in answering Jake's befuddlement. Little grass kids coming from Finn's hand? He must be high. But he knew he was completely sober, and that these three little grass brats didn't seem to be some ridiculous hallucination or trick on the mind.

"That sounds _wrong_." Jake answered with a weirded-out look on his face, to which all the three children shrugged their arms, unaware of the different meaning that went into Jake's mind.  
"W-w-what's g-g-g-going on?" Finn stuttered, interrupting the others. Who were these kids calling him Dad? He didn't recall ever getting it on with some sort of grass lady, or somehow bringing home some lost children made of grass last night. The only things he noticed last night was that the water nymphs weren't around in the pond at the bottom of the tree. That was basically it.

So where did these grass kids come from?

"Dad! We came from you last night! We've been awake even before the sun came up!" the fat little boy responded.  
"Finn, don't tell me you had..."  
"What the blug do you even mean? I know as much about who these kids are as you do!"  
"Dad...uh..." the fat boy tried to talk again. "I'm hungry."

"Oh my flipping glob." Jake slapped his forehead.

* * *

30 minutes later and Finn and Jake's newfound brotherly paternity seemed to be going off without a hitch. Where Jake was hard at work cooking as much as he can to satisfy the fat little boy's absurdly voracious appetite, Finn left the scrawny tall boy and the ridiculously long-haired girl to play with BMO while he fled to the roof to ponder about his life. By some bizarre twist of fate handed out by Glod himself, Finn was gifted with three little brats calling him Dad out of the blue. And now those three kids expect him to take care of them, raise them, feed them, teach them, look out for them, maybe clean them, and so much more. All these handed out to him right after he awakens in the morning in the middle of an uneventful week. What the heck was going on?

300 minutes later, it was lunchtime. The tree fort's food storage was in danger of becoming insufficient for the little fat boy's monstrous appetite. Meanwhile, BMO was severely low on battery after five straight hours of continuous video games; the tall boy and the girl's desire for more fun seemingly unsatisfiable. After only two hours of no cooking, Jake had to start cooking again to feed all the three, especially the fat boy, who couldn't seem to stop eating and making himself look even more of a cabbage than he was now. Finn finally returned to the inside of the tree fort and entered the kitchen where Jake and Finn's "kids" were eating at. While the three kids were eagerly devouring the food placed on the table (namely, five massive sandwiches, three for the fat boy alone), Jake sat munching at his own sandwich miserable, himself pondering on what just suddenly happened this morning. There was a single sandwich on a plate prepared just for Finn, and as Finn took a chair for himself and sat, he finally decided to talk.

"Uh...so...uh..." Finn stammered. The three kids momentarily stopped chowing down on their sandwiches.  
"What do we even do with these kids?" Jake asked, dumbfounded. "Where will they sleep? Where are we going to get all the extra food? How do we keep them all happy?"  
"Well...uh..." Finn stammered yet again, not knowing what exactly to say yet. "Do they have names yet?"

Everyone paused to look at Finn, before Jake responded to interrupt the silence. "Nope. Not yet."

"Hmm..." Finn murmured, deep in thought. His eyes first affixed itself onto the fat kid. "I think I'll call you Cabbage."  
"Okay." Cabbage answered, before continuing his love affair with his sandwich.

Then Finn turned to the other boy, who was staring back at Finn. "Hey Dad," the boy said.  
"I think...I'll call you...what do you think, Jake?"  
"Well...that's kinda hard. It's been a while since I had to name kids. Uh...I think I'll name him...Stretchy!"

Finn facepalmed himself.

"Oh my glob, seriously? Of all the names to pick, Stretchy?"  
"I'm okay with it." Stretchy interrupted.  
"See? He's okay with it. Come on, Stretchy my boy! I'm gonna call you that from now on!" Jake jovially answered Finn.

Only the girl was left. She was simply staring back at both of them while munching on her sandwich, quietly awaiting what name will be given to her.

"I'm...out of ideas. Whaddya have in mind, Finn?" Jake asked.  
"Hmm...I think I'll name her...Greene."

Jake then facepalmed himself.

"You're gonna complain that I named Stretchy Stretchy and now you're gonna name her Greene? That has got to be the least original name I've ever heard!"  
"But it's true, isn't it?" Greene said. "All the three of us are green."  
"Sigh." Jake answered back as he went back to eating his sandwich.

"So I guess we'll be calling you guys that from now on, then?" Finn then said.

* * *

10 hours of reorganizing the rooms a bit to accommodate the three new children while simultaneously trying to keep them happy and entertained by playing with them or feeding them even more food, Finn and Jake were ready to drop instantly asleep into their beds out of exhaustion. Laid out on the floor were three sleeping bags, hurriedly bought from the Candy Kingdom before the stores closed. These were where the three kids were going to go to sleep, in a way already following in the footsteps of their father, except that for tonight Finn eschewed his torn sleeping bag for several layers of blankets to protect himself from the chilly night. Not knowing what exactly his right hand was up to again, he opted to keep his right arm above the blankets and dangling from the right side of the bed, lest it somehow rip apart his blankets with even more grass kids sprouting out of it.

As Finn tucked the three kids in, told them all good night, and climbed onto his bed, Jake from where he was lying down said, "How come you're Dad and I'm not?"  
"Come on, Jake, you already have like half a dozen children. Do you really want more?"  
Jake took a moment to think. "Well...I guess I want another chance to actually be a dad to my kids again, but...I dunno."  
"Eh, we're both here stuck having to take care of them, anyways. G'night, Jake."  
"Good night, bro."

And with that the lights turned off.

* * *

"HI DAD!" became Finn's alarm clock the following day. Barely thirty minutes after the sun had risen, Finn was jolted awake, instantly sitting up to witness a new addition to his nightmare.

Six more kids.

The first three weren't even awake yet. But now they were, seeing as Finn began screaming at the top of his lungs yet again.

* * *

Three whole hours went by, with Finn and Jake having to repeat the nightmarish stress of everything they did the previous day again. BMO was now being overwhelmed by a multitude of grass children fighting over who gets to play with him first. Jake was almost cooking full time in the kitchen. Finn was struggling to keep the kids under control as they wildly went around the house, knocking over belongings, stumbling all over the place, and occasionally hurting themselves in myriad ways like stubbing their foot on the couch, bumping hard into each other and causing both to roll around in pain, falling into the garage, tripping Finn over and causing him to fall on them, and much more unbelievably many ways throughout the hours. The two brothers now had to name the new little kids yet again, with them occasionally fighting over which name should be the best. The first of the six was a girl just as tall as Stretchy, and Jake ended up calling her Rainy, because apparently her height was just like how Lady Rainicorn was long. Another one of the six was a boy with an incredibly short temper and an eagerness to fight the other children; Finn ended up calling him Hothead, to which Jake groaned at Finn's originality. Yet another one was a boy who did not seem to want to play; immediately after all the chaos he started helping out Finn and Jake in trying to rein in the rest of the incredibly rowdy and full-of-energy children by helping them fix the place, trying to get them to stop being so rough and violent, and trying to start learning how to cook barely hours after he came into existence. Not knowing what else to name him, Finn just went ahead and named him Bill.

All in all, there were now nine children, five boys and four girls. And the work and hassle of raising children would only worsen as the day went on.

Night came and the two brothers just decided to turn the garage into a big oversized bedroom for all nine of them ("good thing we got rid of all the money"), with all of them receiving sleeping bags bought by Finn from an incredibly befuddled storekeeper ("Why in glod's name are you buying so many sleeping bags?") from the Candy Kingdom yet again. As they went back up to finally get a chance to sleep, Finn started drowsily complaining.

"I gotta get this hand checked. What is it with it suddenly growing and then grass kids suddenly start sprouting out from it? What's going on? I don't think I should be a father yet." Finn said as he climbed onto his bed and yawned.  
"Go ask Princess Bubblegum. She's the one whose good at these sorts of things. Maybe she can help you deal with your nightly giving-birth-from-your-hand problem!"  
"Ew, that makes it sound so wrong. But I guess I should probably try it. I'll see tomorrow, dunno what'll happen yet."

"Good night."  
"Good night."

* * *

"HI DAD!" more voices awakened Finn yet again. By this time used to it, Finn merely opened his eyes to witness what his hand has wreaked yet again. And lo and behold, the nightmare continued.

Nine more children. Nine more voices. Nine more little kids to add to the nightmare of parenting a ridiculous amount of grass kids. Fifteen now, all in all. All these in three days. He could barely remember each one of them, barely keep them satisfied and happy, and now there were nine more to add to all these expectations of adequate parental care?

That was it, Finn thought. He had to go to Princess Bubblegum immediately. After all, who else was better to get help from than the one who created an entire kingdom for herself and for all the life she had created, for those who were technically her children? He had to pay a visit. Immediately.

* * *

**A/N: Not exactly a particularly serious fic, but I guess I haven't been writing for months and I really want some practice again. Hopefully I can get to publishing on a regular schedule since it's the middle of the school year where I live.**


End file.
